I'm often asked if Porn addiction has a cure? If your interested in the answer...Keep Reading... Note that this info is written from the prospect that the husband is the porn addict. However more and more wives are experiencing porn as an addiction as well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
THE PORN ADDICT CURE? As the offending partner, the porn addict needs to be ready and willing to lead the recovery process, and needs to be guided and supported by his psychotherapist through this healing process to achieve success.
For the porn addict to be cured there are 6 steps to emotional healing and changing his addictive behavior:
1-Feeling of Grief THE PORN ADDICT CURE
The first step is to recognize that you've hurt your spouse and loved ones deeply... Feel true sorrow for what you've done. Feel sorrow for any pain you may have caused toward other people.
Did you know, almost 100% of porn addicts had some kind of mistreatment (physical, sexual, verbal, emotional, neglect, poor parenting, etc.) in their upbringing. This maltreatment is usually something they have not worked through in psychotherapy. There is often unconscious bitterness and resentment towards parents, older siblings, other abusers, or especially themselves for the things that happened during childhood. The term for this is Arrested Psychological Development.
2-Admit and acknowledge your behavior to yourself and to your spouse THE PORN ADDICT CURE
This is difficult yet a very important factor in removing the secrets and lies that hide addictive behaviors. Removing the secret aspect of addiction exposes the guilt and shame for true healing to occur.
A porn addict believes he is an unworthy and is unlovable as a person. He usually learned in childhood that he could depend on no one but himself or herself. An exception to this is the addict with a foolish over affectionate parent (usually mother) who learned that he must be incapable of taking care of himself since she does everything for him, which reinforces the feelings of him being unworthy. Note also that this kind of self-loathing once again is demonstrated as displaced resentment, usually directed toward his wife, kids, or even intimate objects.
3-Rectify Problems Caused by your porn addiction THE PORN ADDICT CURE
Make restitution by fixing any problems caused by your addiction Lies secrets withholding etc.). Problems caused by porn addiction include physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual damage.
If you can't rectify the problem at this point sincerely ask forgiveness of those offended and try to find another way. Example: Going to psychotherapy. You can show you are transforming yourself though going deeper into your emotional issues driving your addiction by going to therapy (this is done in psychotherapy).
4-Reject your addictive behavior THE PORN ADDICT CURE
Make a promise to yourself and to your spouse/others that you will never repeat your porn addiction. Recommit yourself to living without porn addiction. Continue to expose your addiction to your spouse and apologize if you do it again.
5-Forgiveness yourself THE PORN ADDICT CURE
Self-forgiveness takes emotional development. This can be done through a skilled psychotherapist.
6-Ask for Forgiveness from others and show behaviors that create trust THE PORN ADDICT CURE
True forgiveness from others can only come when the double life you have lived for so long stops. Porn addicts are full of secrets and secrets drive shame and guilt. The secrets grow inside the addict behaviors until they affect every part of the life of an addict. It doesn’t help that the porn addict probably has some unresolved resentment toward women as a result of events in his childhood. Further, his use of pornography and other sexually addictive behaviors has caused a lack of respect for women.
To Cure Porn addiction or Sex Addiction you must understand... the subconscious issues at play...to heal them.
Understanding Subconscious Objectification
In social philosophy, objectification means treating a person as a thing, without regard to their human dignity. A person who objectifies another is called Narcissistic.
Understanding Subconscious Compartmentalization
NOTE: This concept of addiction falls under the term compartmentalization. Compartmentalization is how men and woman live double lives. Men seem to be much better than women at keeping different parts of their life in separate compartment, thus making it much easier to act out addictively without thinking about their wife or other consequences.
However, over time, a porn addict’s compartmentalization apparatus starts to break down. Their secrets start to leak into other areas of their life. Guilt takes over and that’s when the unconscious resentment really starts to rear its ugly head and it only gets emotionally unhealthier for the addict and their spouse.
Understanding Codependency & Narcissistic
Note that Codependency is almost always the case for the spouse of an addict.
Codependency is defined as a psychological disorder or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control by, another.
It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being disproportionately preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, colleague or group relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, disproportionate compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists (who are also addicts) are considered to be natural attractions for the codependent partner.
Understanding Subconscious Cognitive Dissonance
There is also a term for this called cognitive dissonance for addicts and codependents. Fundamentally this is when a person is living in a way that contradicts his or her own value system. Either the person has to change their belief system or their behavior. Or else they are in a continual state of battle, guilt, confusion, depression and anxiety. Porn addicts try desperately to try to resolve this issue by either trying to stop their addictive behavior on their own, by minimizing and denying, or by attempting to normalize or rationalize their behavior.
Consequently comments like, “Everyone looks at porn” or “I only have sex with other women because my wife gained weight and can no longer turn me on” or “I need to spend money on prostitutes because my wife doesn’t have enough sex with me” or “At least what I did wasn’t as bad as that guy”. This kind of thinking just doesn’t work. The cognitive dissonance doesn’t go away so it shows up as emotional touchiness and an unhealthy irritability around emotions.
The way to resolve your Porn addiction, CODEPENDENCY & Narcissism (and other psychologically based addictions) is to engage in an in-depth process of emotional healing and self-nurturing psychotherapy.
Check out the psychotherapy that I recommend…
If you are serious about changing, I encourage you to schedule a FREE CONSULTATION...
How Do You Treat A Porn Addict? Click the link above...
Notes: Once, sex lovers were handled with pillories and guillotines and sparkling clamps, but what used to be a ethical issue is now a healthcare one, and this is no shock. Our knowing of sex-related coercion has followed the same velocity as our knowing of despair and grumpiness. It's all in the mind. Farewell center, good bye genitals, and voil rumpled, smooth body packed in its sheath of head. New medical concepts are losing an exciting mild on the chemical make up of perversion and maybe, by expansion, on the chemical make up of typical kinkiness -- what you and I do, volitionally and consensually, behind bed room gates.
His name, in all severity, is Dr. Kafka. No regards, he says. Martin Kafka snacks and research paraphiliacs at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Huge. Paraphilias are problems recognized by chronic deviant full sex-related confidence -- think exhibitionism, fetishism and pedophilia. Carefully relevant to the paraphilias are what Kafka phone calls the paraphilia-related problems (P.R.D.'s). Those affected by P.R.D.'s are, in typical language, sex lovers, who may not be splitting the law but are motivated by libidos so extreme that they are pinned below their bodyweight.
Kafka, mature participating doctor at McLean Hospital and a medical associate lecturer at Stanford Medical University, where he lessons to citizens on hypersexuality, is a nationwide well known professional in his area. He has released 14 documents on his topic. He comes to perform each day in a serious fit, but he prefers to have a good laugh, and he prefers to eat, requiring, always, that I fulfill him in the cafeteria at McLean, where he dines on Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate-chip biscuits. ''My dad was a dental professional,'' he says, stinging into a bit of candy goo, ''and I did two decades in oral school before I noticed it was not for me. I like to say I went from oral to psychological.''
In his exercise he recognizes about 40 sufferers per 7 days, more than three-quarters of whom have what by present social requirements at least are perversely increased libidos. His most serious situations are sex-related predators; his ''lite'' situations consist of the old standbys of macho misery: obsessive porn-watchers, obsessive customers of hookers, men not capable of monogamy. The center variety is consisting of people we contact penetrates, the ones who professional in your screen, the guy in the red raincoat separating the slicker's flap.
Kafka began out at McLean in 1983 as the healthcare home of the cognitive-behavior treatment device, which is a pretty huge starting, given that McLean is to psychological medical centers what Stanford is to universities. Actually, McLean is associated with Stanford, and its grateful reasons indicate that. Initially, Kafka proved helpful with females who had consuming problems, females so slim that the bone fragments increased in side under their epidermis. ''One day, a sex perpetrator was confessed,'' Kafka says. ''There were no other mattresses in a healthcare facility, maybe, so they put this guy on my device, with all the consuming problems, and that's when I had my eureka time. I began to see that the sex violators were just like the bulimics. Both categories were affected by a disregulation of hunger. I began to think that paraphilias and the P.R.D.'s are to men what consuming problems are to females. I was so thrilled by this cutting-edge, I did not rest for two evenings.''
In reality, there are exciting inverse connections between consuming problems and sexual-impulse problems. The sex submission of paraphilias and relevant problems is about 95 % men, 5 % women, whereas the sex submission for consuming problems is the other. Both problems consist of problems suffering from satiation, as well as a typical disregulation of hunger pushes.
''T.S.O.,'' Kafka says. ''Total sex-related store.'' We are seated in his wet underground room workplace.
''So you have to look at complete sex-related store as one way of identifying a paraphiliac or a P.R.D.,'' he says. ''How many periods does he masturbate a week? What are the variety of ejaculations he has weekly. Anything over six and my hearing improve.''
''Six?'' I say. By this meaning, my spouse may be in problems.
''What's the typical quantity a man masturbates?'' I ask.
''Three,'' he says. ''It differs.''
''There must be a lot of paraphiliacs out there that we don't know about,'' I say.
''There probably are,'' he says.
In one research, 33 % of regular men confessed to having sexual assault dreams. In another research, pennis tumescence was calculated for both regular men and charged pedophiles when both categories were proven deviant stimulating elements. Twenty-eight % of those in the regular team were intimately turned on, some of them by pedophiliac pictures.
I look to my remaining. On a little desk, Kafka, a jokester at center, has his own bogus drugstore. There are medication containers -- red, natural, piglet mild red. One is marked ''Virginity Restorer'' in frilly program. There's another container known as ''Will Energy,'' a third marked ''Passion Management Tablets.'' Kafka recognizes me gazing. ''You have to have some comedy in my profession,'' he says. I nod. I try to think about the adult enthusiast, the rapist, seated in the chair I take up now, admitting. I wonder if they think the is crazy. I wonder if they ever take them -- frustration, wish, the wish for an simple cure -- and experience the lovely glucose in their lips.
''Sex,'' Kafka says, ''can be a issue.''We have often observed, of delayed, so much about sex and hormones; androgenic hormone or testosterone taken gradually into padded, striated muscle; oestrogen applied on labial epidermis. One of Kafka's most important efforts to the chemical make up of perversity may be that he has been able to look beyond the apparent causes -- our grease-based sex steroid drugs -- to the more nuanced substance messengers and the complicated positions they perform in mediating our wishes.
In a 1969 research released in Technology, a researcher launches up some mice with parachlorophenylalanine, a substance that decreases this stages in both blood vessels and mind. Within moments of its management there's a veritable famine of this. What happens to the rats? They become intimately turned on. They install each other compulsively. On the other hand, nourish mice a serotonin-laced treats, thereby increasing their stages, and almost all sex-related hunger vanishes. ''In other terms, this isn't just about androgenic hormone or testosterone,'' Kafka says. ''It used to be believed sex-related deviants had just androgenic hormone or testosterone irregularities, but they may really have this irregularities. It may be that the reduced the this, the greater the sexual interest, or it may be something much more complicated, that sex-related deviance is connected to an as-yet-unidentified disregulation impacting the this program.''
Other research on men creatures keep this speculation out: before copulation, there is a rise in dopamine and a loss of this. Post-copulation, the other happens. If this shows to be the situation in the individual varieties as well, consequently, when the man is cigarette smoking his smoke or heavy snoring as if he had chowed down a poultry supper, he may be suffering from a this improve. In a lifestyle in really like with the concept of ''high'' this, it might shock us to know that interest, and its remote relative lewdness, may lie not in the dosed-up but in the dosed-down edition of being.
Kafka phone calls his concept of sexual-impulse issues ''the monoamine hypothesis'' because he is looking at the main aspect our monoamines -- dopamine, norepinephrine and, particularly, this -- perform in mediating wish. One of the more exciting research he points out includes castrated mice that are treated with parachlorophenylalanine, which reduces neurological program this, and are consequently able to continue regular increasing actions with little or no androgenic hormone or testosterone preservatives. In other terms, at least as far as creature analogues go, this deprival and its hypothesized associate, depressive disorders, appear to be highly effective libido enhancers.
After listening to Kafka discuss this, after listening to, yet again, about this getting the celebrity aspect in still another psychological dilemma, I requested my spouse, a drug store, to carry some of this substance house so I could lastly cover my arms around it. He did, introducing this molecular press bitch in a small cup pipe with ''Warning'' published all over the brand. ''Central Anxious System Nuisance. For RD Use Only.'' I cupped the small pipe in my hand. I uncapped the light red connect and peered within. I had always believed that a natural chemical would be wet. How else does it spurt from one starving mobile to the next? But the this was frozen, like sodium or snowflakes. Below our microscopic lense, it pulsed into perspective, six-pronged, easy as a star; you could cap your Xmas shrub with it. Seeing it there, amplified and raw, I discovered it challenging to believe that its existence or lack could cause such a fuss in our leads.
''The mind is such an extremely complicated body, so mostly beyond our knowing,'' says Dr. Laurence Kirmayer, lecturer of psychiatry at McGill School. ''It's absurd to think that any one substance causes, or is accountable for, this or that. It's patently reductive.''
But Kafka isn't so sure. ''Of course it's complicated,'' he says. ''All of these techniques are connected. But because these men react so well to medication like Prozac or other S.S.R.I.'s'' -- particular this reuptake inhibitors -- which modify this transmitting in the mind, it's affordable to factor to that monoamine as main in sexual-impulse issues.''
That Kafka snacks men sexual-impulse issues naturally is nothing new. ''Chemical castration,'' the management of testosterone-suppressing substances that reduce wish, has been used lawfully in this nation for a while. However, Kafka does not want to castrate his sufferers. What he is designed to do is far nobler, complicated and chemical doubtful. He is designed, through the use of serotonin-selective medication, to whitewash deviance but somehow extra traditional sex.
Drugs like Prozac and Paxil particularly focus on the this techniques, thereby preventing the extensive adverse reactions of the mature years of antidepressant medications. But in Kafka's conceptualization, selectivity has achieved new levels. Kafka statements that the medication are able of decreasing or eliminating pathological wish while protecting or improving what are culturally regarded ''normal'' sex-related yearnings. How can this be? Does deviant lust live in one aspect of the mind, affiliative, traditional lust in another? Is a man's construction when he fetishizes operated by, say, the pituitary, while some other, user friendly lobe increases the invasive cells when he creates love? Kafka is certainly not declaring this as reality, but his statements suggest that it is one of variety opportunities.
''You provide a man with sex-related dysfunctions Prozac,'' I ask, ''and his deviance vanishes while his affiliative sex emerges?''
''I've seen it occur, over and over again,'' he says. Bill Morrill is not a attractive man. this is the vital factor he says to me after he drinks my aspect. ''I am not a attractive man,'' he says, decreasing his heavy whole body into the chair across from me, fingertips grasping the edges.
''I'm anxious,'' he says, ''and when I'm anxious, my nasal area twitches,'' which it is, twitching like a libidinous rabbit's while he snuffs and dabs with a huge hankie drawn from his bank account.
Morrill is 49. He has a jowly experience and would wear rectangle cups. There is something seriously attractive about him, his palpable stress, his wish to discuss. ''People need to know,'' he says. ''Go ahead, use my name. Use my tale. This is a illness, and individuals need to know, but God, I'm anxious to tell you.'' Have a nervous tic, twitch.
He hits his neck, as though to take evaluate of his beat, which, I think about, is bebopping at a amount too fast for his convenience. ''All right,'' he says, ''this is what I did.'' Morrill is a circus man. He places up and then disassembles the equipment of other individuals pleasure: moonwalks, coloured carousel rides, Ferris tires that jingle and move.
''I experienced my first trend,'' Morrill says, ''when I was in my 30's.'' It came on gradually, a tightening in the abdomen, ''and then I was completely out of management -- I had to have a lady.''
The surf, the surf. Morrill speaks at duration about the surf, a complete corporeal takeover that led to choosing up hookers, visiting for time on end, lady after lady, in a Dionysian but dystonic craze. Ambers and Jo Jos and Mandys and Sunshines. ''Exhausting,'' Morrill says. ''And I was wedded.''
Morrill explains a lifestyle before therapy of massive attraction, a lifestyle in which he was motivated to recurring exhibitionistic fights of sexual action in bus channels, in the returning chairs of Greyhounds, in lifts with the quit key involved. He explains seated at the dinning desk with his spouse and sensation himself jerked way up by a highly effective, unseen aspect, pulling out into the evening, making behind him a dense pathway of can be discovered. ''I never got anything done,'' he says. ''I was completely untrustworthy. Sex was to me what rest was to a narcoleptic. I was in scary of it. Wish would come on. I'd fall down and awaken and have missing a whole day. Who knows? I missing 20 decades of my lifestyle.''
In the days, after getting up, he had to look at at least once of adult. ''But it was mostly the surf,'' he says. ''I could get them anywhere. I kept a bed mattress in the returning of my van just so I could get a hooker as fast as possible. My van has more usage within than out.''
At first, Morrill believed he was basically oversexed. ''But then I observed that in my 40's the surf began arriving more and more,'' he says. ''They were especially bad after rainstorms.''
''And did your spouse know about this behavior?''
''Oh, no,'' he says.
''Did you have sex with your spouse as well?''
''Sure,'' he says, adding: ''Married sex is vanilla flavor. I required something risky. Angel, though, my spouse, she's a extremely individual. A extremely individual. She's a Sagittarius. I'm a Gemini. We just combination.''
Finally, at the age of 47, Morrill shown in to what he says was the vilest action, recurring sex with an 18-year-old.
''I was in a trend, which is why it occurred,'' Morrill says. ''She was so younger. You've have to comprehend. In a trend, anything can be sex-related to me.'' He factors to the light on the desk. ''Like that light,'' he says. ''In a trend, that light could convert me on.''
Dr. Chris R. Martin of the Habit Middle at Vanderbilt School elucidates. Using M.R.I.'s, Martin, along with his co-worker Dr. Mitchell Recreational areas, has began learning the areas of the mind involved in excitement. ''If we can categorize what areas of the mind are involved in regular excitement,'' he says, ''then maybe we can see if these areas are different in regular volunteers compared to men with sex-related harmful addictions or paraphilias.'' He has a expectation that ''sex addicts'' may display initial in a bigger -- or more compact -- aspect of the mind in reaction to a stimulation than a regular offer. On an M.R.I. color-coded picture, the turned on paraphiliac mind might look like a lobe of scarlet action, whereas the turned on regular mind might look like, well, a regular mind. If this shows to be real, then in men like Morrill sex may hemorrhage into the brain's more typical location, and thus such minds may be more able of switching daily activities, and even factors, into sexual resources. Morrill's mind, perhaps, can create an metal light from Basics into some liquid dream item.
I achieve over and change off the light. Morrill fun. ''I like you,'' he says. ''I experience you're on my aspect. Now, before therapy, if I had emotions of preference you, they'd go elsewhere. I'm not a attractive man, but before therapy I was so out of management, and I could get any lady.''
Morrill is the 7th man I questioned for this content. All stated to be more or less treated, but all rised their discussion with problematic types of come-ons, which at first created me unpleasant but now engender little reaction. Say ''sex'' enough periods, and it begins to audio like ''xxx,'' which is nothing. Nowhere. Deceased. ''I tried to eliminate myself,'' Morrill says. ''I lit my movie trailer on flame, with me in it. When that have not, I created the decision to leap off the motorised hoist in the Quincy shipyard. It's known as a Giant Crane, 384 ft. high.'' He was standing at the top of the motorised hoist for a while before determining maybe he could eliminate a aspect of himself instead of the whole program. ''I went to a physician and informed them to manage it.'' He factors to his genitals. ''Cut it off. Kill it. No doc would contact me.''
Morrill lastly discovered his way to Kafka. ''Kafka is a fantastic man. He realized just what concerns to ask. I loaded out a thousand surveys. He considered them and said: 'I think I know what's incorrect with you. You are a sex-related obsessive.'''
Common knowledge has it that the intimately obsessive or the intimately deviant were often themselves sufferers of misuse. ''The reality is,'' Kafka says, ''only one-quarter to one-third of my individual inhabitants experienced actual or sex-related misuse, and many of them had unremarkable early decades, as far as I can see.'' Which is why Kafka, who understands the need for a multimodal strategy and does relate men for psychiatric therapy, snacks his sufferers with drugs. In Morrill's situation, the tablet was Celexa, a more recent edition of Prozac.
Morrill went house and ingested a tablet. The next day he ingested a second tablet. Kaboom. Morrill No. 1 dissolved away, and Morrill No. 2 walked ahead, the only stay cable his twitching nasal area. ''On these tablets, I am a different man,'' Morrill says. ''My go is obvious as a gong. But the strangest factor is,'' and here his speech falls in wonder, ''the strangest factor is how huggy I am now. I hug individuals remaining and right.''
For once I think he is going to hug me, but he breaks returning, breathing out out his amazement. ''Really, it's quite awesome,'' he says.
''What about your wife?'' I ask. ''How's sex with her?'' I've been patiently waiting to get here, to see how ''affiliative sex'' perseveres or, in Morrill's situation, is improved in the experience of this substance attack, as Kafka has described it to me.
''Listen, sex is dead,'' he says, drawing his genitals as if it were a pet. ''It's gone.''
''So you don't have sex with your spouse either?''
''Only when she demands,'' he says. ''And then, I'm excellent for maybe a moment, if at all.''
Prozac and its substance relatives have been confirmed as many things: antidepressant medications, PMS drugs, better-than-well drugs. Here's a new use for them, as far as I can tell -- substance castrators. This concept goes straight in the experience of Kafka's revolutionary initiatives, which are intended to recover regular sexual interest while eliminating deviance. But Morrill's situation factors to another probability. The particular this reuptake inhibitors perform in the therapy of paraphiliacs and sex lovers because they reduce if not eliminate all sexual interest, along with all types of other extreme actions. It seems sensible that one day Prozac may be accepted for substance castration. After all, many say that S.S.R.I.'s cause impotence in 80 % of customers, so why not use them to, well, malfunction an extremely performing man?
''Sexual malfunction is not the same as substance castration,'' Kafka says. ''These men can operate intimately -- it's just sometimes challenging. Furthermore, substance castration came out of a need to penalize these people, whereas my aim is to help and value these men.''
Apparently, then, pharmacology, like criminal action, can be assessed not only by result but also by purpose. If you did not plan to killing the individual, then it's wrongful death. If you don't plan to castrate the individual, then it's . . . what? But Kafka has a factor. You cannot quickly mock apart the treat from the treat giver; medication is an amalgam of desires, objectives and visible outcomes. The 'placebo effect' emphasizes this. The drugs is inextricably limited up with the individual's objectives. In Kafka's plan, the physician's objectives get tossed into the mix, as well they should. A drugs is as much a wish as a reality.
All philosophizing aside, Morrill is satisfied with his result. ''It's dead, and I really like it,'' he says. He is not the first man to bow down in appreciation to his damaged sex. Many sex lovers and sex violators dislike their sex. They see it as ''the Demon.'' It is dreadful to the gentle ends of their character, which are everywhere in proof. Morrill keeps arms with his spouse and taking uses the seaside. Jim, a charged sex perpetrator, styles dahlia landscapes with his little girl. Bob, an exhibitionist, who, like Jim, asked for privacy, requires satisfaction in his brand-new Cars, improving its dark armour until it stands out like silver. Type men. Cautious men. ''Sick men we are,'' Morrill says.
Why or how Prozac blunts sex is start to rumours. Creature research clearly display a connection between brought up or changed this and reduced sex-related hunger. Moreover, both this and dopamine do an complex dancing with our testosterone, priming sensory routes so that they can react to androgenic hormone or testosterone. ''I don't think that the S.S.R.I.'s are really able of repairing a regular sexual interest,'' Chris Martin says. ''We all know that the S.S.R.I.'s cause impotence. The sex enthusiast, or the 'overly sexed' man, may have such most of his mind devoted to excitement that a blunted sexual interest just looks like a regular sexual interest, which is much different from the concept of two individual sex-related techniques, one for deviance, one for association. The S.S.R.I.'s really need to be analyzed.''